Wife Quotes

"I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste."
~ David Bissonette

"When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her."
~ Sacha Guitry

"After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together."
~ Hemant Joshi

"By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."
~ Socrates

"Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them."
~ Dumas

"The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?"
~ Sigmund Freud

"I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me."
~ Anonymous

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
~ Henry Youngman

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
~ Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
~ James Holt McGavran

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."
~ Patrick Murray

"Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up."
~ Nash

"The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once..."
~ Anonymous

"You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to."
~ Henny Youngman

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."
~ Rodney Dangerfield

"A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong."
~ Milton Berle

"Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy."
~ Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
~ Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still alive."